Sunday, September 9, 2012

An Open Letter to My Ex

**In an effort to actually do the things I pin, as well as post on a more regular basis, I'm following this list of blog topics found here. Not in order, and not in any sort of time frame, but easy come easy go.**

Dear ___,

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think back to those 8 months we spent together. I wonder if they still hold any significance for you, or if you've all but forgotten your first love (although I have my doubts as to whether you really did love me, or just claimed you did). There are times when I wish I hadn't deleted you from my Facebook account because I would like to see how you are doing. But then I remind myself that exes should not be friends for a reason. What good would come of it? You would see that I am happily married with a little girl and I would see...what? The same? Or that you haven't changed? It makes no difference. Sometimes the past should stay in the past, and dwelling on it would only bring about thoughts and feelings better left buried.

Thoughts like "How could you?" and "Why?" and "Did I really mean that little to you?"

Looking back, I think I see now why we both acted the way we did. We were young, inexperienced, completely new to the world and ourselves. And while I cannot forgive you without an apology (one which I never expect to hear, as I doubt you even realize I deserve one), I can understand.

Sometimes when I drive past your parents' neighborhood I wonder if I will run into you, and what I would say if I did. Would I fake a smile in order to hide my surprise? Or would I try to slip by unnoticed? I doubt I'll ever have an opportunity to find out, and that's okay with me. I don't need to validate my life to you, and I don't need to know the details of yours. To me you will always be the first boy I thought I loved, and my first heartbreak. It's what I needed at the time in order to learn and to grow. You are a point in my past, and you will stay firmly there.

Sincerely,

Amy

2 comments:

  1. That was so beautiful! Funny enough those are pretty much the feelings I have about my ex, my first love and heartbreak. Thank you so much for sharing that.

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    1. Aw, thank you. It was actually very cathartic to write it out, even 11 years later.

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