I seem to be doing this a lot lately, but I'm sorry for the lack of posting. Even though I haven't been writing, I've been thinking about how I should. Unfortunately, life is not all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been going through a very hard time in my life. It started with the joy of learning I was pregnant, to the devastating news of miscarriage. Needless to say my book choices lately haven't been much fun.
And, while I don't particularly want to stay on this subject, I do want to share something I learned a long time ago, and which probably rings true with most people: when there's a major life change, I want to change something about myself.
This is mainly just because I want to know that I still have some control over my life, but it's also a way of changing reality. Yes, I will always remember the time I learned I'd lost my baby. But I'll also remember the day I dyed my hair and gave myself a mani/pedi in a color I've always been too timid to use before. Now neither of these things on their own are that big of a deal (except maybe the hair - it's really red), but to me they feel tremendous, because when I look in the mirror, I don't see the woman who just went through one of the worst times in her life. I see a woman who is willing to take some risks, and even smile at the outcomes. This is one of the many things that has helped in the last few weeks.
Now, more related to the usual content of this blog, I learned one other thing. I searched for days to find just the right book that would suck me in and keep me from confronting reality. I know you all understand what I mean. Books are more than entertainment to us. They're everything from a best friend's voice to a much-needed vacation from life. Which is what I wanted. Unfortunately, I couldn't concentrate long enough to get into a new book. I just didn't care about new characters and plot-building. So I tried something I rarely do, and I turned to an old, much-loved work I'd already read: Pride and Prejudice. It's got everything I need. The heroine is strong and vivacious, the plot is well-known, and the love story makes you feel as if everything, in the end, will turn out okay. And as much as I don't need to concentrate on the story (seeing as how I already know it), I'm finding myself sucked in, and not wanting to put it down.
Sometimes, when your life seems to be falling apart, what you really need to do is change the things you can, and then snuggle back into that old familiar world that never failed you before.