I should have known I'd have a child with colic, payback being a bitch and all. Poor Emily has not had the easiest time of it. For those of you lucky souls who don't know what colic is, it's defined as at least 3 hours of crying per day, at least 3 days a week, for no known reason (they're not wet, hungry, cold, etc.). It is otherwise known as hell. Ever been around a crying baby? Yeah, imagine hours of that. Every day. Welcome to my life.
For the last 7 weeks we have been trying everything under the sun to soothe our fussy baby: singing, rocking, walking, gas drops, gripe water, probiotics, feeding from a bottle, refraining from dairy products... And now, on days when she seems better, we have no idea what's working. In all reality she probably just needs to grow out of it like everyone says and all I'm doing is making myself feel better for trying. And dammit, I will try anything to get the screaming to just. stop.
Colic does things to you, as a parent. You simultaneously feel terrible for your little one and seriously consider the benefits of having her be raised by wolves. And as much as you want to love on her and cuddle, there's only so much screaming in your face that you can stand. Putting her in her room and walking away while she cries it out makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, but sometimes it's all I can do.
And you know what? I'm not alone. I've heard so many stories of friends going through the same thing and all I can think is, "Why didn't someone warn me?!" But I know why. If you want a baby nothing will dissuade you, and if you're already pregnant no one wants to be the one to scare you. Well rest assured I'll tell you the truth: this whole mom thing is the hardest job I've ever had. I've never been more frustrated, tired, or at my wits end. But I also love this little girl more than I could ever describe, and I would do absolutely anything for her. Which is why I will get up in the middle of the night to feed her yet again, and I will not call in the wolves. Yet.
(I think we've determined the cause of her colic, but that will have to wait for another post, as I really need to sleep.)